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How Could I Forget this Feeling?!

This weekend was supposed to be a great weekend away.  I was excited about the getaway but there was a lot that needed to be done before I headed out of town to meet Brandon in Gunnison.  I had to work in the morning and host a big meeting, pack, get the house ready for the pet sitter, track down our new iPhones that were being shipped separately and by different carriers, and get out of the house so I could make the 3 ½ hour drive in time for dinner.  This was all after a super stressful work week with lots of events whose success laid on my shoulder and a 12 hour day.  There was a lot on my to do list and suddenly I notice a huge lump on our dogs ear.  Paterno had a hematoma on his ear in August that the vet drained and said either it would come back or not – it chose to come back twice as large as the first one.  So, along with everything else that needed done I also needed to run Paterno to the emergency vet to make sure it was okay to leave him with the pet sitter for the weekend.  We get to the emergency vet and were told our wait would be several hours.  I could feel the minutes ticking away and myself getting later and later.  One of the vet techs took mercy on me and told me she would look at Paterno and let me know if he needed to be seen that day or if we could schedule something for later in the week.  She checked him over and told me the hematoma was relatively small (I would hate to see a large one because this one seemed pretty crazy) and scheduled Paterno for an appointment and potential surgery on Tuesday.  I ran Paterno back home, finally tracked down our phones, and headed out the door with exactly 3 ½ hours until our scheduled dinner.  While I finally made it out the door and on my way to our mini-vacation I just felt stressed and anxious.

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Fast forward a couple of hours…I made is safely to Gunnison, enjoyed a nice dinner, and headed to an observatory to check out the stars.  As we are getting ready to leave the observatory all sorts of warning lights lit up my dashboard and stated with quite urgency that I needed to have my car serviced.  But, it was almost 10pm in a town that doesn’t have a Chevy dealership that is open on the weekends.  I tried to put the car trouble out of my mind and decided that now is a good time to activate my new iPhone 7.  To match the rest of my day the phone would not transfer my old data and just kept giving me all sorts of error messages.  Finally, I surrendered to the day and tried to sleep but spent the night tossing and turning stressing out about Paterno, the car, and the thought that I’m wasn’t going to be to have any phone access.

When the alarm went off I get out of bed and still feeling overwhelmed and anxious.  I realized I was on a mini-vacation and I am too stressed to enjoy it.  I was being snappy and mean and felt like I was seconds from a full-fledged panic attack.

img_4481Now that I have set the stage of my fragile mental state I will fill in the details about my running.  Last Friday I decided, on a whim, I was going to get a tattoo on my foot (the tattoo wasn’t a whim I had been planning that for months, waking up one day and deciding today was the day I was going to get it was the whim).  The tattoo artist said I shouldn’t run for three days but after that it should be okay.  After three days I was still nervous and decided to take a whole week off to let the tattoo heal.  For some reason I irrationally thought that running would cause the tattoo to wear off (I do realize that is not realistic, but that is what my weird mind kept telling me).  So, Saturday morning it had been eight days since my last run with the plan to go for a run Saturday morning in Gunnison while Brandon was at his conference.

So, in the midst of my mental breakdown, I decided there was nothing I could really do about any of my issues at the moment and I would go for a quick run and deal with everything when I got back.  I put on my running clothes, carefully slathered my tattoo with tattoo goo, put on some super soft socks, my shoes and headed out the door.   In Gunnison at 8am in September the temperature is 32 degrees.  I was completely unprepared for this and was just wearing my running shorts and a long sleeve t-shirt.  The upside of this was I was ready to run from the very beginning just to warm up.  Because it had been awhile since my last run I just told myself if I could make it three miles I would call it good.  I set out running around the neighborhoods and downtown of Gunnison and then headed east of town to the Western State University campus.  The longer I ran the better I felt.  The beautiful sunshine, the fresh crisp air, and the new scenery was exactly what I needed.  One mile quickly turned in to two and before I knew it I was rounding out six miles.    As soon as I get in to the groove of running I love being out there but I have to play mind tricks with myself to get started so I can get in that groove.  At an even 10k I ended my run and headed back to our hotel.

The run was exactly what I needed.  When I got back from my run I felt at peace, focused, calm, and ready to tackle my to do list.  I contacted Onstar to figure out what to do with my car and they said that it wasn’t really urgent and I should be able to make it home and I should set-up an appointment for next week (the should was a little concerning but in my new mental state I could deal with it).  While I was away I had connected my new iPhone to my MacBook and when I got back it had worked out its issues and downloaded all my data and music and was ready to be activated.   I was still stressed about work stuff and dog stuff but it all suddenly felt so small and manageable when just an hour before it felt like the end of the world.

This summer has sucked and when I should have been running the most to deal with the stress, I did just the opposite and used my running time in the morning to sleep in and try to escape reality and it just ended up compounding the problems.  This weekend was a huge wake-up call that no matter what I need to make running a priority.   Running is my natural stress, anxiety, and depression buster and I need to never forget that.  I don’t want to end up back on the verge of a panic attack because that is a horrible feeling!  I am excited about the new week, the healed tattoo, and the reminder about how important it is to take the time for yourself.  Find the activity that centers you and don’t make excuses for not taking the time for yourself.  I am so excited that I found this feeling again and I am going to work my butt off not to lose it again.img_4501

 

 

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More Adventures in Fostering…and Boogie’s Happy Ending

We have successfully survived out first weekend as foster parents.  It had its highs and lows and ups and downs but at the end of the weekend Boogie has found an amazing home…and it’s not us J  I know we had many doubters who thought Boogie would end up the next member of the English family.  But instead Boogie will be leaving us on Thursday to move to Georgetown and start his new life with his amazing forever family.

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Fostering has been a very educational experience.  Boogie was a dog like no other.  We have been parents to a black lab golden retriever and a golden retriever that we got as itty bitty puppies.  Both had lived pretty charmed lives before coming to our home and came without any trauma or emotional baggage.  Boogie was a completely different story.  We have no idea what his life was before he got to us but we can tell it wasn’t good.  He was nervous and timid and afraid of everything except Paterno.  His second day with us involved a trip to the vet to find out what was going on with his ears and to check out a scratch on his leg.  They found a bacterial infection and he was immediately put on antibiotics.  The trip to the vet pretty much terrorized him and he retreated to his crate for the remainder of the day.  Friday he spent the day with Brandon and was showered with love and more importantly…treats!  We found that Boogie is pretty food motivated and was starting to take food out of our hands.  He still didn’t allow us to pet him but he was accepting bribes which was a good sign.  Saturday was another terrorizing event when the first family that was considering adopting him came to visit.  He hated that experience more than he hated Brandon and I.  He wouldn’t come out of his cage to meet them and when we finally pulled him out of his safe spot he just stood on his leash shivering with nervousness.  The family didn’t really seem interested in the intense time commitment it would take to get Boogie to the point of being a “real” dog and headed out pretty quickly letting us know they would call us if they were interested…they never called back (and we were okay with that).  The rest of Saturday he retreated back to his crate once again only coming out to eat and go outside.  On Sunday Boogies luck changed.  A second family came to meet Boogie and they immediately fell in love with him (he is pretty cute and lovable despite is current personality).  Boogie was his usual illusive self but even with that they loved him and could see him as part of their family.  For the first time I knew Boogie was going to be okay and had found his forever home. After meeting his new family Boogie was ready for some more alone time and once again retreated to his crate.  For the rest of the weekend we have been working with Boogie trying to get him more comfortable with his surrounding and people in hopes of a smoother transition to his forever home.  He has been making baby steps but often heads to his crate for sanctuary.  We are excited when Boogie chooses to be the same room as us for a couple of seconds or lets us touch him…like I said, baby steps.

The taking care of Boogie has been the easy part.  We know how to keep a dog healthy and safe so we just brought Boogie in to his family and treated him like our dog.  The difficult parts have been the emotional parts of fostering that we never consider.   Wondering if Boogie would get a family, meeting a family who was a horrible fit for him and wondering if the potential adopters would all be like that, thinking Boogie might live with us forever even though he wasn’t exactly the dog we wanted, and finally the relief of finding the perfect family for him.  Fostering can turn in to quite the emotional rollercoaster.   The first day or so I was so upset and even a little depressed that Boogie didn’t want anything to do with me and feeling so bad for the life he lived before making his way to Colorado.  But, I realized that I can’t focus on that I can only meet him where he is, be there for him, and not to take anything personal.  I was doing the best I could do.

We know that dogs like Boogie need a good family but he just wasn’t the best fit for our family.  Paterno wasn’t that excited about having a puppy who would only pay attention to him (Paterno enjoys snuggling and cuddling and had gotten used to being the center of attention) and we want a dog who will cuddle and let us touch them.  Also, I am pretty sure we want a female dog because we need to even up the boys vs. girls team around here!   Like I said fostering has been a very educational experience.  We were happy to share our home with Boogie but I think there is a part of us that is excited for him to go to his forever home on Thursday.   I am excited to be able to clean the house and doing laundry without scaring the bejesus out of Boogie and Paterno is looking forward to snoozing on the living room floor without being pounced on by a puppy!

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Happy Knitter to Jolly Runner

11745352_10205682082023823_4659982871437127151_nHello from the Jolly Runner, formerly the Happy Knitter.  I blogged on and off (more off than on) as the Happy Knitter for a couple of years.  I shared my growing knitting skills and over time I realized I am never going to be as talented a knitter as my amazing family members who can knit a pair of socks in a day and sweater over a long weekend and my trusty readers can only take so many pictures of hats and scarves (my specialty).  When I was blogging before I often get sidetracked with other projects and just life in general so I wanted to redirect my blogging energy towards my entire life instead of just my knitting life.  Over the past years I having been getting further and further from knitting topics so I am taking the leap in a new direction.

This is from my new “About” page and hopefully will give you an idea about who the Jolly Runner is.

According to Merraim-Webster the definition of jolly is:  adjective jol·ly \ˈjä-lē\ : full of happiness and joy : happy and cheerful : very pleasant or enjoyable.  When I run I am jolly.  When I don’t run I am the opposite of jolly…and it isn’t pretty – I believe the opposite of jolly is gloomy.   So while I may not always be The Jolly Runner it is my goal to get to a place when I am more jolly than not.  Running keeps me balanced and makes me feel more confident about myself so I am going to stick with it.

I realize the word jolly often goes hand in hand with visions of plump Santa Claus and happy go lucky elves and sadly I also fall in to that category as well.  I am not your typical runner.  I have never been called skinny and while I am never last in a race I am also never first – I slide in to the middle of the pack and contently run my own race working on beating my own records instead of completing against everyone else.  I remember always struggling with my weight and wishing I was thinner so I consider myself a work in progress.  In the past couple of months I have recommitted to running after some time off because of an injury and several bouts of bronchitis and am actually watching what I eat instead of just shoveling food in to my mouth like a backhoe.  It was a sad break up with Ben and Jerry but it had to be done.  I have lost some weight, built so muscle and continue building my confidence.

So, while I want to keep my jolly attitude it would be okay with me to shed the jolly physique.

But, this blog is about more than running.  It’s about my life, my family, my love of the outdoors, my insane love for my dogs and everything else that comes up.  I will also have some “things to do” in Colorado as well as trail reviews and other fun hiking stuff…I live in Colorado and love it so you’re going to hear all about it!  I am opinionated person who doesn’t always have the favored opinion.  To many I may seem quiet and reserved but I don’t really believe that is who I really am.  In the past I have been afraid to share my thoughts and ideas but I am trying to be more open.  I know that not everyone will agree with me but I have just as much of right to share my ideas as everyone else.

What do you want to see on this blog?